A Countdown To Depression
by Carbuncle
Summary: Cloud, Tifa and Aeris ship Cid off to rehab.


FINAL FANTASY VII  
  
AUTHORS NOTE/DISCLAIMER: SPECIAL THANKS TO FLAYME, FOR ALLOWING ME THE USE OF HER GREAT CHARACTER, DR. WACKYBACCY. ALL OTHER CHARACTERS HERE BELONG TO SQUARESOFT, EXCEPT DR. IMAHIDIOT, WHO BELONGS TO ME.  
  
'A Countdown To Depression'  
  
"Heh heh heh...", laughed Cid. "The perfect crime! No one would ever think of looking for me in here!"  
  
Cid was hiding out inside a dark cupboard, smoking a cigarette as usual. This one however, was giving off a rather unpleasant smell. He continued to puff away, when all of a sudden, the doors swung open.  
  
"Cid! Found you at last!", shouted Cloud.  
  
"You're smoking weed again, aren't you?!", Tifa shrieked. "Cid, you know it's bad for you!"  
  
"Hey! If I wanna destroy my body, then you can't stop me!", he slurred.  
  
"Geez, your breath stinks!", Cloud complained.  
  
Tifa shut the doors, trapping the awful smell inside.  
  
"We have to do something Cloud. Cid is killing himself by smoking that stuff."  
  
"But what can we do?! He's a grown man. If he wants to smoke the weed, then we can't do nothing!", Cloud sighed.  
  
"There must be someone who can talk some sense into him!", snapped Tifa. "I know! Haha!"  
  
Tifa rushed over to the phone, and started to dial a familiar number.  
  
"Who you callin'?", asked Barrett as he walked into the bar.  
  
"Hello, Midgar General Hospital?", Tifa said, ignoring Barrett's question. "Yes, this is Tifa Lockheart. Could I book an appointment with Dr. Imahidiot?"  
  
"Why the hell she callin' Midgar General, Cloud?"  
  
"She's worried about Cid's drug addiction."  
  
"Cid has a drug addiction?!", gasped Barrett.  
  
"I guess so. He has been on the weed a lot lately. Remember those weird plants in his room?"  
  
  
"Wow! I've never seen a plant like that before Cid!", giggled Cloud. "Can I touch it?!"  
  
"No!", Cid growled. "It-It's... not the kinda plant that you can touch."  
  
"Is it poisonous? Why do you keep poisonous plants in your room?"  
  
"Dammit! I don't have to explain myself to you! Get outta here!"  
  
  
"Cloud, I don't remember that.", Barrett coughed.  
  
"You don't? Oh yeah! You weren't there! Silly me!", Cloud slapped his own head.  
  
"Well, I called the hospital. But Dr. Imahidiot is unavailable. But they did give me some helpful imformation. It seems they think we should send Cid to Midgar Drug Rehabilitation LTD.", Tifa explained.  
  
"Drug Rehab?! Man, what a wuss!", Barrett struggled to contain his laughter.  
  
"C'mon Cloud. I can't get him there alone! You'll have to help me shift him!"  
  
"Oh! Alright!", mumbled Cloud.  
  
Later that day, Cloud, Tifa, Aeris and Cid all sat in the waiting room of Midgar Drug Rehab LTD. Cid was still smoking a spliff.  
  
"The sooner we get him some help, the better!", whailed Tifa. "Thanks for coming along, Aeris."  
  
"No problem!", smiled the ancient.  
  
"The doctor will see you now.", groaned the receptionist.  
  
Cloud, Tifa and Aeris pulled Cid off his chair and brought him into the doctors office.  
  
"What have we got here then, mon?", wondered the doctor.  
  
"Who the hell are you?", questioned Cid.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry, mon.", the doctor gurgled. "I'm Dr. Wackybaccy. You might remember me from various episodes of 'Zell's Wacky Inventions'?"  
  
"Never heard of 'em!", grumbled Cid. "Cloud, why did you bring me to see this bozo?!"  
  
"Cid! Be nice to Dr. Wackybaccy!", shouted Tifa. "Doctor, can you help our friend Cid? We think he's become addicted to drugs."  
  
"Drugs, eh mon? Well, don't worry. I'll soon fix him up! If you'd like to leave us in private please."  
  
Cloud, Tifa and Aeris left the room, leaving Cid with the Jamaican doctor.  
  
"So, you like smoking weed, do you mon?", whispered Dr. Wackybaccy. "I got a whole heap o' tha stuff under me desk. You want some, mon?"  
  
"Huh?! Aren't you supposed to be putting me off drugs?!"  
  
"Don't listen to dem crazy cats outside! Smoking weed is good for you, mon!", Dr. Wackybaccy smiled. "Go on, try this."  
  
He pulled a rolled up cigarette from under his desk. Cid took a whiff of it, and coughed.  
  
"Woah! That's some spliff!"  
  
"Yeah, mon! It's good, no?", Dr. Wackybaccy flinched.  
  
"No, it's not good!", Cid screamed. "It stinks! Doctor, I'd like to thank you for curing me!"  
  
"Curing you?! No, no! I haven't cured you yet, mon!"  
  
"Sure you have! I'm outta here!", Cid walked out through the door with Dr. Wackybaccy in pursuit.  
  
"Cid, you've finished already? Wonderful service, Dr. Wackybaccy!", exclaimed Tifa.  
  
"Uh... don't mention it, mon.", the doctor slurred.  
  
"Wh-Where's Aeris?", wondered Cid.  
  
"Oh, she was here a second ago.", said Cloud. "Hey, is that smoke coming from your office, Dr. Wackybaccy?"  
  
"Oh no, mon!", the doctor paniced.  
  
Everyone rushed into the office to see Aeris lying on the floor. There was a lit cigarette next to her limp body. Dr. Wackybaccy checked her pulse.  
  
"She's dead, mon."  
  
"Oh my God! They killed Aeris!", screamed Tifa.  
  
"You beasts!", yelled Cloud.  
  
"Look's like she's been smoking one of me spliffs.", Dr. Wackybaccy sighed.  
  
"Your spilffs?!", coughed Cloud.  
  
"No. I mean, his spilffs!", Dr. Wackybaccy pointed towards Cid.  
  
"Hey! Don't try to pin this one me!", Cid retorted. "Aw, hell! Lets just go home!"  
  
"Good idea!", suggested Dr. Wackybaccy. "I'll remove tha corpse and make it look like suicide, mon."  
  
THE END__________ 


End file.
